Fast / Coffee

I walked into the lab at my doctor’s office and got in line.  The TV was playing The Price is Right.  I had a twinge on pseudo nausea.  Only because as a kid I only watched the Price is Right when I was sick and home from school.  So things like 7Up and daytime game shows sometimes regurgitate those childhood memories of  lying sick, on the couch, staring at a 13 inch black and white.

Once at the front desk I find out that “fasting” includes coffee and now I can’t do my lab tests.  Despite the fact that I’m starving I haven’t technically fasted.  Frustrated, I head up the elevator to my doctor’s office to see if I can reschedule my appointment for my physical as now the lab results won’t be back in time.  Once there, I’m in line again.  A man behind me, in the waiting room, is staring at the TV and talking.  He’s also watching The Price is Right.  He’s bald, with a ponytail in the back.  He has a long beard and he’s holding a giant soft drink cup from McDonalds.  I guess he’s not fasting either.  He’s talking to the TV.  At first I think he’s talking on a Bluetooth.   It’s funny how a few  years have changed that perception.  I remember seeing my first “guy on a Bluetooth”.  We were in a restaurant and I was sure he was crazy and talking to himself….now I’m assuming this guy is on a Bluetooth, but no, he may be crazy.  He’s turns around and he’s definitely talking to himself.  Maybe he’s talking to the Price is Right contestant.  I watch him, slyly until it’s my turn at the reception desk.   Once there, I learn I should not reschedule my dr. appointment, relearn that drinking coffee isn’t fasting and get instructions to go back to the lab another time.  I really threw a monkey wrench in my doctor’s plan to read me my cholesterol results in person. 

On the way out of the building I stopped at the coffee kiosk.  Now that I wasn’t  fasting I could have food.  I ordered a Danish.   They required a $5 minimum to use a card and since I was without cash I had to upgrade my selection, (more coffee) just so I could feed myself (and caffeinate myself further).  I was really frustrated.  I was frustrated, because I had to buy more than I wanted just so I could have “something”, because I was an hour late to work, because I had spent more time in an elevator with strangers than I ever wanted too and now had to go back and re-fast again.  The morning put me in a bad place.  But then, I remembered something else.

I recently came across the phrase “first world problems”.  I’m not sure if it’s a new catch phrase or hashtag but I understood its meaning instantly.  These were my first world problems; too much coffee, rescheduled blood test, having to buy more food than I wanted...Really?  That’s it?  Too much food and too much health care?  What the hell had I become?  

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and someone coined the term, "First World Problems" because there are far worse, Third World Problems out there to deal with.  To put us in our place so we'd realize the comparison.  I'm not even sure if its still ok to use the term, "third world".  But, a first world problem is a luxury in a land where we label other countries third world.  As I was writing this I was trying to explain to my daughter, the idea behind 1^st world and 3^rd world.  We spoke about "third world problems".  I explained to her as “real problems” like poverty, sickness, bad water, even homelessness….she said, “dad, for those people, that’s just life”.  She was right. 

There are far worse things in life than needing to add a large coffee to my order so I can spend $5 on food.  But still, I’m conditioned to my surroundings and my emotions.  My frustrations and joy are derived from those situations.  I go crazy at Costco, trying to work through a traffic jam of shopping carts driven by people eating chicken wing samples and loading up on an overabundance of food.  I criticize them in my head.  I come down on myself as well.  How can we have so much and be so miserable?

The reality is, for most us, it’s simply the zip code we were born into.   Not that were rich, by American standards, but that curve is thrown off by global standards.  If I was born in Tijuana or Haiti would I have such luxurious first world problems?   Elsewhere, a $5 minimum is a daily wage not a bump up to use electronic currency.  So what’s the answer?  I don’t know.  I can’t live in my bubble life never getting upset by people or situations.  But, perhaps, I can realize my reality.  I can recognize my blessings more and in turn, build patience, add service and praise to my daily routine.

DC

2014 Word of the Year

A few years ago my wife introduced me to the “word of the year” idea.  Instead of resolutions that you don’t keep, you take one word and make that your goal for the upcoming year.  In the past I have done “patience”, “give” and last year was "Time".  So as 2013 began to exit I looked back to see what my word of the year should be going forward.  I decided on “Happy”. 

Despite my past year being filled with blessings, I can’t say that I have been an incredibly happy person the last 12 months.  And to be honest, I can’t tell you why.  My family is healthy, work has been steady,  I had the opportunity to go back to Haiti, and my baby son, despite his rocky start is doing great.  So, why, am I struggling to realize those things and be joyful?  It’s not that I’m in some deep depression or in a pit of despair….but generally, for all God has blessed me with, I’ve been seeing only my own shortcomings instead. 

A few months ago my pastor did a series on the “comparison trap”.  (Have you ever noticed when you buy a new car that suddenly everyone around you is driving the same car?  Do you know how many “champagne colored Odysseys” are out there?  That’s how I felt when I started that series.)  For months prior, I felt like I was distracted by comparing myself to others….and then I started seeing it everywhere.  The main culprits were work and Facebook.  No matter how busy I was at work one of my colleagues was doing more.   Then, when I was doing more, someone was on vacation.  (Perhaps the only thing better than being busy when you’re self-employed, is being able to take a vacation).  But then came Facebook; a daily reminder of how much better someone else’s day is compared to mine.  My friends were in Hawaii when I was at the office, they are eating sushi when I’m reheating leftovers,  they’re on date nights with their spouses while I’m watching “My Little Pony”.  No matter how great my day is – someone out there is having better one, and they have pictures to prove it.

Was I so shallow that I couldn’t appreciate catching up with my friends and instead looked on with envy?  Maybe.  But what I need to do is either disconnect or appreciate what I have.  I need to look at my wife’s beautiful face and kind heart and realize how blessed I am.  I need to watch my kids watch “My Little Pony” and know that their time, content with me sitting next to them, is limited and precious.   I need to go to work, do the best I can and be happy that I can come home, (and despite how bad that day sucked know that I am blessed to have the job I do).  It’s not all going to be, “Sushi date nights in Hawaii with my wife”.  But, each day that I am alive, God is blessing me.

We read in James, to take joy in our troubles.  And when I feel like a failure as a parent, or when everything is crashing down around me, I will look forward to the quiet times that God offers.  Moments when I can go to Him in quite prayer and say, “I need your help”.  And like a parent, comforting a child, I feel His presence and know He is there.  Maybe that is His way of reminding me, “I am here.”  When we forget to rely on God, I think sometimes He allows us to enter situations where we need Him.  So instead of distress, I’m looking to those moments for peace and security this year.  When you get to the point where there is nothing more you can do, all control is out the window and you have to rely 100% on God that’s when peace comes in.  I stop what I’m doing, take a walk and be quiet.  I listen and then I pray.  In those quiet moments (and sometimes pleading moments) I find joy.  That’s my goal for 2014.

I know I won’t achieve some nirvana like utopia this year.  I don't want that.  But instead I want to be happy with what God has given me and not compare it to what I don’t have.  And, when faced with hardships, look to God to find that joy and use that time to grow closer with Him.

When I select a “Word of the Year” I try to make some physical reminder to keep with me.  I had a 3X5 card in my car with the word “patience” on it.  My wife stenciled the word “Give” above my desk in our home office.  So, for “happy” I made this, (below).  I listed out reasons, that despite my day, I should be happy for these blessings.  I listed my past words on the bottom to remind me.   As unlike a resolution, I spend a year working on that word so hopefully by the time January rolls around again that word is engrained as part of my daily life.  When I get in the up in the morning, pour that cup of coffee and begin my quiet time with God ,I hope to remember to thank him and to feel blessed each day.

dc

 

2014 Word of the Year

Happy

• You have a God that loves you AND knows you
• And even though at times He feels absent;  He’s not.  And even though His timing doesn’t feel right; it is.
• You have a wife that loves and cares for you
• And even though sometimes we’re cranky or too busy, at the end of the day when all you can do is sit on the couch next to each other and catch up on email…it’s still good.

• You have three amazing children that want to spend time with you
• And even though, at times, it feels like you’re a riot cop…those three count on YOU and they prefer it that way

• You have a home and warm bed and He takes care of you
• And even though at times it’s messy and chaotic…at night your kids and family are safe asleep in bed.
• You have friends
• And even though you haven’t spoken to some of them in months maybe…if you call them they will answer the phone.

• You have the opportunity to serve others everyday
• And even though you’re over-focused on your own shortcomings or life, each day God gives you the opportunity to make someone else happy too.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

 

Patience / Give / Time / Happy

 

 

 

Oh, Christmas "Tree"

A few years ago, before we had any kids my wife and I had a serious talk about Christmas future.  It was uncomfortable but we had to do it.  It just wasn’t the same anymore and convenience seemed like a bigger factor than tradition.  We weighed our pros and cons, discussed the financial angle and made a decision I never thought I would ever make.  We bought a fake tree. 

I remember the day well.  In a final search for that “prefect Christmas tree” we went out; one last time.  But, instead of a back mountain lot in the chilly winter air, it was 4 aisles in at Target.  (And to our luck, it was 20% off.)  We looked at each one, and went with an 8 foot, pre-lit, beauty.  Over the years we’ve bought cars, moved homes, invested a little money…but perhaps no investment has brought a better return than when that fake tree comes out of the garage at Christmas time. 

Yesterday I saw a tree, strapped to the roof of a car, pine needles flying off and I thought, “Wow, Im so glad I don’t do that anymore.” There's no more tying, netting, vacuuming or water spilling.  But still, I wonder if my kids are missing out….on a great Christmas tradition; picking out the tree.  I think they would be missing something if we could actually go to a tree lot and cut down a tree.  When I was a kid we used to chop down our own tree. We’d drive up to the mountains, cut the tree down and bring it home.  But since then, about eight Wal-Marts have opened up on the way to that Christmas Tree lot. Now, as a result,  that tree lot has since closed.  So are my kids missing tradition with a fake tree?  Not really.  Because, what they are actually missing out on is a drive to the Home Depot parking lot watching some 17 year old kid, in an orange apron, throw my tree on the car roof and then throw me a “hang loose” as he walks away. 

And so, instead of an axe and a bow saw, I pull out a red body bag from the garage.  I unzip it, pullout three pieces, and assemble my tree.  I can bend the Gumby-like branches anyway I want and then plug it in.  And like the electric glow of a warm leg lamp in the window my tree is up and lit and Christmas has arrived.  Then all we need is a pine tree air freshener shoved in the side and it’s an old fashioned holiday.

dc

 

Taking Black Friday: An underground coup d’état to take back Thanksgiving

I’m calling for a revolution; a conspiracy to sabotage greed with service.  For once I want to see them riot instead of us. I want to take down Black Friday.  Its an idea that came into my head in September while shopping at Costco.  My 5 year old son asked me why all the Christmas decorations were out.  Jokingly, I told him that it was December and we had forgotten to celebrate Halloween and Thanksgiving.  I soon learned, by his face, that he believed me….and in an effort to stop the tears I spent the rest of the shopping trip back pedaling, apologizing and explaining. 

But it was a valid question. Why were the Christmas decorations out in September?  The answer is to commemorate a countdown.  It was to begin a backwards counting time bomb leading up to the mother of all shopping days…Black Friday.  In the big corporate axis of evil - the big chain stores are foaming at the mouth; waiting for this day to arrive.  The turkey isn’t even in the oven and they’re gunning for the customer to get in the door.  And, they are taking us all down with them.  Why are we sucked in?  And why are we abandoning Thanksgiving in the process?  We are turning a day of thanks into a day of greed.  We are literally walking out on our friends and family for a sale.

The Friday after Thanksgiving is seen as the start of the Christmas “shopping” season but really, it’s the start of the actual Christmas season.  The season of good tidings and the celebration of Christ’s birth is now kicked off with a maddening sale, ensuing panic, anger, rudeness, debt, frustration, pushing, shoving, anxiety…and for what?  Discounted TVs and toasters….cheap perfume and toys?  How many 11:00 newscasts will kick off leading with a story of people being trampled by a mob of hungry shoppers with 50% off tags burned into their eyes?

Enough is enough.  I say lets boycott Black Friday.  Let’s make them suffer for what they’ve done.  They’ve turned, what should be a time of thanks and giving into greed and gimmies.  (Let me interject, briefly-  I’m all for businesses being successful - especially small business - but I’m simply calling out the big ones….the ones who have created this monster.  The giants making their employees come in on Thanksgiving for an extra day of holiday shopping.)  I realize that for many, myself included, the only way we can afford to get a holiday shopping list completed is by taking advantage of these sales.  My complaint is that the more we shop – the more these monsters want.  They open earlier, and through their marketing, they instigate panic. How is it that so many can get drawn in by commercial after commercial telling them their only chance to please their kids or spouse will take place on a Friday morning, (or worse – on Thanksgiving Day)?  There is a better way to kick off the Christmas season than by succumbing.

 

So here’s what I purpose:  Turn black Friday into a day of giving.  Give your family, time.  Give yourself, rest.  And give to others that need help.  Make some meals and drive them downtown to some homeless.  Gather blankets and hats and gloves and hand them out.  Begin Christmas doing what God sent his son to teach us to do.  Turn this day back into a day of joy. 

Will this stop Black Friday?  No way.  Will it dip into Wal-Marts fourth quarter sales?  Not a chance.  Will it make a difference when your weary neighbor, (who’s pulling bag after bag from his car, with the weight of January’s Visa bill already on his mind) asks, you what you did and you tell him you fed a man?  Maybe.  But it will it bring joy to that man you fed?  Absolutely.  And bringing joy to others…isn’t that what we keep telling ourselves Christmas is about?

The day changes people. People, who just hours before were being “thankful” over gravy and pie, are wreaking havoc on one another.  The riot was created by big business.  They have turned the day into chaos by instigating fear that all savings will be lost if you don’t act now.  But more important than avoiding the chaos is showing love to others.  That love does not need to be reflected via discounted items.  It can be simply be shown by offering someone a hand.  That is what we were taught to do.  So I will get off my soapbox and leave you with this.  However you celebrate is up to you.  But before you hit the stores and the join the fun of the Christmas season, take an extra day and remember why you were thankful on Thanksgiving.  Then, make someone, else thankful for you.

dc

 

 

{Serving As A Family}

 {This post was written based on our experiences in serving within our own family. We hope you can find some helpful tips or ideas in how to serve with your family.}

We get a lot of questions about how we teach service to our children. For us, it's been a natural progression of what's just normal for our family. My husband has a tremendously kind servant's heart and is always looking for ways to give back to friends, neighbor's and within our community. We truly feel that if you want your children to live life a certain way, you must model it for them. After all, we are our child's first teacher, right? So, honestly I feel we really don't go too out of our way to teach them to serve, it's just our way of life. We serve a lot as a family, anywhere from mission trips to Haiti {the hubby}, to canned food drives, packaging lunches for the homeless and actually sitting down and eating lunch with some homeless friends we've met {hubby, yet again}, the kids see us take action. It's become a habit that every time they see their "homeless friend" on the way to the grocery store that they buy a meal for him and his dog, my daughter won't let anyone forget about the dog. :) So, it's just become a way of life, a habit of you will.  Here are some pics of my hubby as he's served in Haiti.

{My hubby serving in Haiti. He was there to help rebuild a home for the young woman who runs the orphanage but as you can see, the kids found comfort in him being their "father.} 

 

 

{Building school desks for the kids}

As we're approaching the season of thanksgiving and Christmas, I wanted to offer a few ideas that have worked for us in the past and tips on getting started in serving with your family. I'll try to keep this short and to the point, so if you feel I've missed anything or have more questions please email us.

1) Be that positive role model for your kids. Show them how you want them to be. If you want them to have a heart and hands to serve, you must be ready to have that same heart. 

2) Discuss the importance of serving others.  Personally, we wanted our children to know that there were people in our city, just a few miles down the road or just a short drive from us who had no where to sleep at night.  We wanted them to know that there are children their age who won't get toys at Christmas because their mommy's and/ or daddy's don't have enough money to buy for them.  Talking openly about this as a family, has helped our children recognize the blessings they're been given; like a warm and cozy home to sleep in, toys to play with. Or should I say toys they never play with? ;)  Either way, they get it {most of the time} but because we talk about it.

3) Let your child have a say in how they want to serve. Maybe your schedule is busy with school, soccer practice, recitals, work, then of course, you'd want to choose something that won't require as much time or effort.  Maybe assembling "blessing bags" to keep in your car to hand out as you see a homeless friend in need.  Maybe you have more open time as a family and you could explore service projects like volunteering at a soup kitchen or mentoring kids at a local non-profit.  There are so many opportunities, simple or elaborate.  Choose what's right for your family.  This experience should be a joyful one, not a burden so make sure everyone is excited about what they choose. 

4) Get ready to get your hands dirty.  Get in there with your children, make crafts to bring to the local nursing home, make sandwiches and deliver them to the homeless.  As you begin to serve with your children, many questions will arise.  Be prepared.  And also, please remind your children that they may not get the response they're expecting from someone.  In every meal and blanket we've handed out over the past four years, we've heard nothing but great things from our homeless friends "thank you" "god bless you."  But this may not always be the case.  Continue to remind your child/ren that it's okay not to get a "thank you."  We serve as family because we love one another, not because we need something in return. A lesson that we all will have to deal with at some point in our lives. 

5) Debrief after your experience.  We're big on talking with our children about what they saw, reminding them to keep those friends in their daily prayers.  They may want to talk about how different people looked {especially when working with the homeless}.  Sorry, if that sounds horrible but it is something that comes up.  We are constantly reminding our children that when they hand our lunches to our homeless friends, they must stay with mommy and daddy and be safe. Sometimes we allow them to get out of the car and help distribute lunches that they made and other times, we simply drive up a block and my hubby distributes.  Our children have asked questions about the trash bags people sleep under, what happens when it rains and all of their blankets get wet, how do they stay warm, where do they brush their teeth, does Santa come to the children who live on the streets?  As you can see, it can be a heart wrenching talk but it really gets those little brains spinning with ideas on how to help. 

Well, that wasn't as short as I planned but helpful, I hope?  We're hoping to have some "giving challenges" in the coming days.  Please feel free to comment here if you have any comments or ideas you'd like to share. 

{An Attitude Of Gratitude}

A few years back I was the craft coordinator for our local MOPS {Mothers Of Preschoolers} group.  At that time, it was November and we were looking for a craft that was family oriented.  We decided on a gratitude journal.  A simple one that could be used year after year. A fun way to keep the holiday focused on what was important, what we were thankful for.  It was made with a composition book, covered in Kraft paper. You know, kind of how we used to cover textbooks with a brown paper bag back in the day ;).  We added tabs for our family's because my husband likes to keep track of recipes and such.  Here's a link to my old blog to see how we made ours.

This brings me to this year.  A few weeks back our pastor spoke on gratitude.  He mentioned how with all the social media, it's easy for our eyes and hearts to become focused on what we DON'T have.  We're in constant comparison with our friends, neighbor's even people we've never met. We tend to forget that the friend who's posting about their lavish lifestyle, their trips to Hawaii or their perfect marriage is probably only posting just that, what makes their lifestyle look lavish.  Hardly do we post the bad stuff, the fight we had with our husband or the failed attempt at disciplining our children.  With that comes what our pastor called the "comparison trap."

I believe that our focus should be on what we've been given.  With each day, we're blessed to start fresh.  In homeschooling my children, I've become so thankful for those new beginnings and fresh starts.  There are days that end in tears and frustration, especially with my daughter.  There are days as a mother that end in frustration too.  I had one of those today-the baby's teething and he screamed all day.  I could do nothing to help him.  The only comfort he found was in my wearing him and keeping him very close.  I had to set the to-do list aside and honor that request.

With all that we do as parents and trying to take the time to recognize our blessings got me thinking about our children and how they view thankfulness. In their lives, what is it that they are thankful for.  I think it's so simple to just write our children off and not discuss thankfulness with them.  I didn't want to do that.  I wanted my children to learn to take a few minutes everyday and pay attention to the blessings they've been given.  I don't want them growing up in this world in a constant state of "the gimmies."  I want them to look at the house they have, be it small, and still stay I am SO thankful for the roof over my head, that I have a warm bed to sleep in and a dolly to snuggle.  So...with that I set out to start a gratitude project with them. I made a few printables, made copies of them at Kinko's, laminated the cover and had it coil bound.  If you're interested in making a gratitude journal for your children, here's a link to the printables for you to download.

{Kicked off our gratitude project with one of my favorite books "I'm Thankful Each Day" by P.K. Hallinan & turkey handprints, of course.}

 Here's a peek at how I put ours together.  I printed the sheets back to back and alternated one drawing sheet to one writing sheet.  This works well for my son who is in kindergarten.  It gives him the chance to draw independently what he is thankful for and to practice his writing as well.  I have my children filling these in before their school day starts.  And we plan on writing in them daily for the remainder of the school year.  So far, we have "I'm thankful for God, Jesus and the Bible" and "Raccoons."  Given that my children enjoy this project, I'm hoping to continue it.  How fun will it be to look back years from now to see what they were thankful for. 

{ IG video}

{Nourishment In God's Word}

This morning I was feeding my 7 month old son.  It was Instamatic; I raise the spoon and his mouth would drop open.  He trusts me and he knows what I am providing him is good.  My son know exactly what he wanted and all he had to do was open his mouth.  Soon my older two kids came into the room and his eyes shifted.  He watched them and became distracted.  His systematic spoon up – mouth open began to wane.  He is at an age of total dependence yet craving independence, a recipe for complete disaster.   When I reeled him back in and brought his focus back on the food he changed.  Instead he grabbed the spoon and tried to pull it.  From there, rice cereal got his hands and he then wiped it on his face.  So I grabbed a towel and began to clean his face.  He had some right above his eye.  When I tried to clean it he turned his head.  When I held his head still he cried in aggravation.  

As I struggled to get the cereal off  his eye I thought to myself, I know what’s best for him, why won’t he let me take care of him?  I’m doing everything I can to make sure hes ok.  I’m keeping food from going into his eye.  But he can’t see it and instead of being gracious he’s fighting me.    Then I had another thought, what a perfect metaphor for my relationship with God.  How often am I distracted by others?  I turn my eyes away and then think, I can do this on my own.  I know that God knows how to take care of me.  He knows what’s best for me.  And yet, I fight, and turn my head and won’t accept that help.  I think I know better.  So often, I forget that I have a God ready to nourish me. His word fills me with all that I need. It’s so simple and yet the allure of possibilities steers me away from the obvious.  I need to stop fighting and just let Him show me a better way.  

John 15:4-5 “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”